Monday, November 12, 2007

LW07 - Entry no. 1

Tuna Fish Sandwich Assembly Manual

Before getting started, you will need the following:


  • bread
  • tuna, canned or otherwise
  • mayonnaise
  • Anything else you want to add. You’re the one making this damn sandwich

Utensils and what-not

  • a cutting board
  • a sharp knife
  • a dull knife
  • a medium-sized bowl
  • a large spoon or something equivalent
  • a can-opener (if you use canned tuna)
  • a plate

I will assume you know where to find these; this is your kitchen after all. If you do not have these things, then you are probably not the sort of person who would make their own sandwich anyway. This manual is not for you. Go out and get Chinese food or something.

Step 1

First, place your tuna in the bowl. If you’re using canned tuna, make sure to first take the tuna out of the can using your can-opener. If your tuna is not canned, why the hell are you using it to make a tuna fish sandwich? Make something classy.

Step 2

Next, add the mayonnaise to the bowl. I’m going to leave the proportions of all this to you, so add as much or as little as you want. You’re the one who’s going to be eating this thing. At this point you can also add any extra ingredients you want to the mix.

Step 3

Now take your large spoon and stir the contents of the bowl until they are well mixed.

Step 4

Take two slices of bread and place them on your cutting board. Use your large spoon to scoop some of your sandwich+mayonnaise+whatever mix unto one of your two slices of bread. Don’t put too much on, or you’ll end up spilling your sandwich’s contents all over your lap when you try to eat it.

Step 5

Take your dull knife and use it to spread your tuna mix evenly over the slice of bread. Once you’re satisfied, take the second slice of bread and place it on top of the first. There, an actual sandwich!

Step 6

Now take your sharp knife and use it to cut your newly formed sandwich in half diagonally. Next, take your sandwich and put in on your plate.

Step 7

And…that’s pretty much it. If you don’t know what to do from here, then a manual isn’t going to help you.

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