Tuesday, November 3, 2009

Forgotten by God?

Did it happen? Was it the Rapture? He stared dully at the television, it made him think vaguely of what happened on September 11th. He was still in high school then, he heard every kind of story on that day. Some people said Chicago has also been hit, they had just heard it recently, or any number of other stories some feeling far more likely than the other. What permeated that day more than anything else for him was a very odd kind of confusion, no one really seemed to know what to do or what was going on. Everyone was afraid and panic begat rumors and wild speculation, and while no one knew fully what was going on it was all that the news could talk about, not to mention worldwide reactions. Looking back he somewhat envied himself back on that day, the problem was smaller, sure, but it was more that he had some routine back then to fall into. He was a student, he had his parents, he had a niche in the world and something he could bury himself in. Here, he had just moved out of his parents place a month and a half ago, now he desperately wished he were back home, or with a family member or around anything familiar. He had a difficult time back then, and that was when two planes were flown into buildings in New York.

Now planes were crashing, car wrecks were piling up, emergency services were overwhelmed and people were saying that all the children in the world were gone. When he first heard that he remembered wondering, somewhat absurdly, what that meant for toy stores. People were blaming other nations, some kind of new disease, aliens, or anything that they could wrap themselves around to try to explain the unexplainable. Back then he had tried to ferret out answers, or find something he could be sure of. Now though, now he just…existed, it was too much to handle at once. He tried calling family in some cases he got error messages, maybe the circuits were jammed with so many people calling at once. He hoped that anyway, it was weird, on the one hand if it was…if it really was the rapture then he hoped they got away…but then again. He felt alone, vulnerable and scared, he looked at the ceiling, it had no answers for him or even any advice. He felt foolish, it wasn’t like God was going to respond…then again if it was the rapture thought like that might have been what got him left by God.

Suddenly he let out a worldless roar of rage, it wasn’t directed at any one thing it as at everything, at the disasters, at the talking heads, at the overloaded phones, at his fears, at God. “What did you want from me? I prayed to you, I followed you, I gave food to the hungry, I donated clothes to shelters, I sought to spread your ideals. I forgave my enemies, I tried to be humble, WHAT DID I DO WRONG?” He took a few deep breaths, shaking, he felt pain in his hand and saw that he had put it through the wall, he pulled it back, staring at it in a kind of stupid wonder. He shook himself, maybe he wasn’t fully functional but he wasn’t a lump anymore. He heard the sounds of police sirens and fire trucks, the news kept saying that people had vanished and there were all kinds of problems. Now…now whether or not it was the rapture didn’t matter. He realized that there were going to be people who needed help and that whatever happened he was healthy and functioning, he had a responsibility to help the others that he could. If God had forsaken him..well that didn’t mean he was going to stop doing what was right and if it wasn’t the rapture, well he had a funny story to tell his friends later. He took a few minutes to dress himself and find what he needed, heading out the door hoping that the world could make a bit more sense..

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