Comments on Right Behind: There's always something else

Reading it now it makes sense to me, although it's...

2008-06-25T06:18:00.000-07:00

Reading it now it makes sense to me, although it's still subtle. I actually prefer her going for the belt vs her shirt - the implications of taking vs giving and the biological need vs seduction. She's not trying to interest him in her - just get what she needs to make her replacements.

I was afraid of making it too smutty - after all *...

2008-06-24T18:07:00.000-07:00

I was afraid of making it too smutty - after all *we're* not in a world without children. I've put an extra line in which hopefully makes it clearer.

I feel about the same. The implications are subtle...

2008-06-24T10:45:00.000-07:00

I feel about the same. The implications are subtle enough, but it seems there should be something more near the end; I had to re-read the last few passages to make it out. Other than that, it's quite insightful.

Lovely story. It could perhaps do with being a bit...

2008-06-23T17:09:00.000-07:00

Lovely story. It could perhaps do with being a bit clearer towards the end, though - it's a bit unclear what Clare and David are doing until they get to the last line. Even just changing
"I can't live without her," she said. to "I can't live without her," she said as she unbuttoned her blouse. would make it easier to follow.

Overall, it's a great story with an excellent premise. Great work!